WHAT IS CONSENT?
Consent is a verbal, physical and/or emotional agreement to sexual activity that is mutual for both parties.
Consent must be voluntarily given without manipulation, intimidation, fear, or any head games.
Consent is not just saying 'yes' or 'no'. It is also a physical experience as well. Someone who is freely giving consent should be excited or physically enthusiastic. A person can say yes while their body language is hesitant, anxious or guarded, this could mean they have doubts and you should never pressure them. Pay attention to the other person’s body language and look for physical and emotional cues that could either mean a yes or a no.
CONSENT MUST BE CONTINUOUS FROM START TO FINISH AND CAN BE WITHDRAWN AT ANY TIME.
What does this mean you? Someone can change their mind at any point in time for any reason, which means that you have to back off and give them space. You both could be well into it and you do something they don’t like that turns them off, they have the right to withdraw consent. Also, just because they said yes to one thing, doesn’t mean that it's a yes to everything else.
THE TALKING KIND
Everyone has their personal boundaries on what makes them hot and what makes them not. Just like consent is continuous, so should communicating, both physically and verbally. You can do this by looking for their body language cues and asking them if they’re okay or if you need to slow things down. Asking them and caring for their well being also shows that you care. This can create a more comfortable situation for both parties, which can lead to an even greater sexual experience.
[ASS]UME = [ASS]AULT
When you assume consent, you can create assault involving you and me. Consent should always be given before a situation and throughout the entire situation. It should never be assumed by:
- Body Language: just because they dress a certain way, smiled back, or “playing hard to get”, does’t mean they want you. ASK!
- Dating Relationships: just because you both are dating, doesn’t mean your entitled to it every time you want. ASK!
- Marriage: to have and to hold, after you asked them if it was okay first. Martial rape is a serious issue and assault.
- Previous Activity: just because you guys had sex in the past, doesn’t mean they want it again. Just because they said yes to one thing, doesn’t mean that’s a yes to everything. ASK!
- Lack of Communication: just because they haven’t said anything, verbally or physically, doesn’t mean it’s a yes or a no. ASK!
- Incapacitation: if someone is intoxicated, they're not making the decisions they normally would, or if they’re even able to make a decision at all. Taking advantage of someone that is incapacitated is rape. Period.
HOW TO GUIDE
TO GREAT SEX
First Rule: ASK first!
Second Rule: ASK first!
It is key to always ask before you try to start anything sexual with another person. What if they don’t want you to and flip out? Always get the green light to proceed.
Don’t overcomplicate the talk. If your shy, say your shy, but talk about the big Oh-No's in your limits. If he’s a great partner, he’ll ask you throughout to make sure you’re okay.
After talking about turn ons and turn offs, the huge elephant is out of the room. You both should feel closer and more comfortable with one another, which increases your chances of having an orgasm.
During sex you should feel comfortable enough to say: yes to this, no to that and slow it down dude. Everyone has the right to have a good sexual experience. It shouldn’t be one sided, so remember to get yours.
The important thing to know is even though you talk, there is always a chance someone can abuse you. It is key to remember that it is not your fault they’re a doucheba and that there are people at your school that are there to help you.